Since I’ve graduated from SCAD, I’ve had a hard time doing my own projects and really… well, feeling like myself in the creativity department. I used to write stories, journal, sketch constantly and read books and find inspiration everywhere, and for the past few years I’ve felt very much like that part of me had gone to sleep. I’ve had a hard time updating this blog because I haven’t felt like I had anything very interesting to say. And that confused me.
I lead an interesting life- not to sound vain, but how many other people spend their days coloring comics, teaching bellydance classes, dressing up in colonial costume and telling ghost stories to tourists, and working with horses? Thats my everyday life. Totally awesome and weird. But because I’ve felt creatively stifled, my life- my brain, really- has been feeling rather mundane. I haven’t wanted to do any paintings, which for most of my life has been something I just do. Like breathing or sleeping. I paint. I create.
I had a hilarious revelation the other day- I announced sassily to my friends: “My brain is full of colors, not thoughts.” It really took me aback- I said it without thinking, and when I heard it, it really made a lot of sense. My way of thinking has changed a lot over the past few years- for one, I am the happiest I have ever been- and I think because of these changes I haven’t really had a good sense of who I am anymore. And whether or not my brain really is full of colors, I am no longer wallowing in a sea of angst which used to be the creative power behind my art. I’m glad I’ve moved past that, but it was a powerful drive and its had to replace that. Regardless, I’d rather be happy and not really know what to paint or get on a soap box about than to spend my days sulking under piles of paintings.
So here is to change, getting over creative blocks, and reinventing yourself- and then getting to know yourself once again. It is almost Christmas and I’ve been painting pictures for gifts, which makes me feel good on friendship and creative levels, and I am remembering once again why I became an artist. I will have some great resolutions this new year. Cheers!